It was early in the morning in the month of August when i found myself lying on my bed, eyes welled with tears, trying to shout at the top of my lungs with my dry throat, but no words came out. The worst had happened. The only thing that I was most scared of had happened. And I had no idea where to go and whom to talk to about all this.
Hugging my pillow a little tightly , I heard the whisper “please don’t go, I love you. I have always loved you. Please don’t leave me alone here..” and hearing these words the tears started to stream down my face.
After patting my cheeks dry with the back of my hand I said “. I love you too. I always will. But right now, I have to go. If they find us here together we might get in trouble”. With that I picked up my bag and left the room.
My sleep and I had a break up.
My status had changed from ‘heavy sleeper’ to ‘insomniac’.
I could hear the voice say “ I’ll wait for you” but I didn’t know what to say.
I reached my class and all I could do was think about the last words I had heard –“ ill wait for you”. No matter how much I tried to distract my mind and tried to pay attention in class, everytime my mind went back to all the memories with her, all the times I craved for her, all the times she came to meet me in the class. All the early mornings when she kissed me bye for the day with a promise to return at night.
My eyes had swollen and my head was throbbing already. I knew it was not good to stay away from her for so long. I knew I would die without her in my life –literally.
Sleep was the one who was always there for me whenever I needed to give my over hyper mind a break. She was the one who was always there when life seemed to be a little too much to handle and when I needed a break, she was there when boredom tried to suck all my energy out. She was like an ice cream on a bright hot summer day.
She always told me “ I don’t want those dark circles under your pretty hazel eyes, come let me fix it up” and then she would take me along with her to a magical world recharging me completely and energizing me to the core, entertaining me with lovely yet weird dreams .She helped me deal with my mood swings which are like those toxic ex’s who keep making constant reappearances in your life just to annoy the hell out of you.
Sleep was the best thing in my life.
Everything was going fine, we were spending a lot of time together, waiting for each other at night.I would leave college as soon as the class used to get over to meet her , and she was always there in my room, waiting for me. it was like this perfect little world we were in. No worries, no drama, just the two of us lost in our own little world. I could meet her anytime I wanted and on weekends she was all mine. Nobody could disturb us. It was all going so smooth and I could never get enough of her. She was like my knight in shining armor and i could always rely on her whenever my oh so lovely life decided to throw lemons on me.
But no love story is complete without a villain, right?
In ours, the villain was college. The teachers, They ganged up and made sure we couldn’t meet each other for long. They planned a scheme for burdening us with work to such an extent that it became difficult for us to even see each other for a solid 2 straight hours. We started sneaking and began meeting in between classes, or in the evenings whenever we could get time but it was difficult with so much of work and deadlines to meet.
There were days when she had to wait up till 5 in the morning for me to finish with my work . it was exhausting and often sent me on a guilt trip for making her wait for so long almost every single day.
Things started to fall apart and I reached a stage where I didn’t know what to do anymore. Taking a break seemed like a good option to me so that’s what I decided to do. I occupied myself with work and started to spend the nights watching reruns of my favorite series , sometimes reading books, and sometimes just busied myself with college work the whole night.
Days passed and we started meeting for a short period of time filled with awkward silences. I tossed and turned on the bed the whole time and woke up even more tired everyday with dark circles encircling my eyes.
One evening when I returned from college after attending a lot of boring lectures , I found her waiting for me in my room. Since I had decided to maintain my distance for some time to figure things out, I avoided her and tried to focus on my tv series. I could feel her eyes on me. I could feel the tension in the air but I shrugged it off.
After what felt like an eternity, she embraced me and whispered, “you cant avoid me forever. You know you love me. Admit it.”. she added, “I cant see you like this. Please come back. i cant live without you. the purpose of my existence is all in vain If we are not together.”
And after hearing those words I couldn’t control myself anymore. My eyes brimmed with tears and with drooping eyelids I enveloped her and apologized. Within seconds she took me to the dreamland and it felt like I was back in heaven. I felt like I had finally found a missing piece of me, i didn’t even know i had lost. The feeling was so serene I instantly felt so calm when the drowsiness was taking over me. I was entering into another world where everything was so calm and tranquil and I had lost all my control over my mind. I was just sinking into the softness of the cottony mattress and the worries, the stress and all the troubles had been lifted off my shoulders and left far behind into the real world, where, mentally, I was no more.
Thats when I realized that no matter what, we can never stay apart from each other for too long. She is my soul mate, my true love, my addiction, my everything.
Now every morning , before leaving for class, I look at her and think to myself, “Until we meet again, lover.”
Komal has found her true love and is going on a date with her as soon as she posts this. Have you found yours? Let her know.