It was half past two in the morning when she saw him. She was lying on the right side of the bed lost in her own world of thoughts when she felt his presence in the room. She had felt it before on several nights but somehow she had managed to convince herself to go to sleep by pushing away the terrifying thoughts and ducking under the safety of her blanket.
But this time she was afraid she would have to face it. The thoughts kept the sleep from embracing her. The droplets of sweat started to appear on her forehead. Her palms became sweaty and her breathing became erratic. The anxiety was taking over her body.
It was not good. ‘no no this cant happen’ kept playing her head. She could feel all her energy draining out of her body.
From the corner of her eyes she saw him at the edge of the bed, crawling towards her. Her feet went cold and her body still. She felt the mattress move under its weight near her legs. He was moving slowly towards her, intimidating her with the blackest eyes she had ever seen. His crooked smirk convinced her that he was too powerful to lose that night and she was too fragile and powerless to win the battle this time.
He started to crawl up her feet, her legs, sliding across her belly, taking his time at every step. He touched her arms, leaving her cold and still, lying on the bed. She asked him to leave her alone but he didn’t stop. Instead his smile grew wider. He loved to be the reason for peoples suffering. Seeing others in pain gave him pleasure.
“GO AWAY” she screamed sitting up straight hugging her knees.
He moved closer caressing her hair.
“GO AWAY I SAID. DON’T TOUCH ME. JUST GO AWAY” she shouted.
He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “You don’t have to worry baby. I am here to stay. I am here to keep you safe from the world outside. I will take care of you” he whispered, smile never leaving his face.
Other nights , she would have kicked him away and not believe a single word that left his filthy mouth. She had not let him win no matter how long the war. But this time, she was too tired to fight.
After innumerable wins , for the first time, she let herself lose the battle. She was tired, tired of fighting, tired of being strong for so long, tired of trying to convince herself that everything was okay, she was tired of pretending, she was tired of herself. So she let HIM win. Him, here was no one but depression.
SHE HAD LET DEPRESSION WIN.