Dear The One Who Is Hurt,
I am writing this letter to you in the hope that the words that left my mouth the other night would magically disappear and you would forget all about them. But this is not a fictional world and I don’t know what magic is.
These words wont bring back the night, these words wont make the things same again, these words wont undo the mistake, and yet, here I am still writing this to you in the hope that maybe they would. Just maybe, these words will take us back in the time where the mistake doesn’t take place, where you are still lying in my arms , telling me your stupid jokes and making me laugh my heart out.
This tiny little hope is what keeps me going.
I know I said some things that pinched your heart. I could see it in your pretty black eyes, the hurt that I caused, and it pained me to be the reason for that hurt, for that sadness that filled your eyes. I wanted to be the reason for that deep yet fruity laugh. I wanted to be the reason for that little dimple that forms on your cheeks when you smile but never for the pain, never for the wound in your heart.
I remember the look on your face when you told me you want to part ways. When you said that you don’t want to talk to me ever again . These words still echo in my ears whenever I think about you. They still dominate my nightmares and I hear your soothing voice loud and clear, your words on loop, and all I can see is you, walking away from me, leaving me alone in the dark.
Do you remember you once asked me , “Do I mean anything to you?”
It was all in fun and jokes at that time and so I teased you a little by answering ‘no, you don’t’ and that made you sad.
Now, often, I find myself lying awake on my bed, staring at the ceiling and answering this question over and over again. I think of all the ways to tell you how important you are to me. And honestly, these words are not enough to do justice to what I really feel.
You have no idea how special you are to me. If I sit down to write about all the things that I like about you, about the things you make me feel, the days will pass but I would still be left with something or the other to say.
You were right, I cant change the things I feel. You were right. I cant change the way I get butterflies when you hold my hand. I cant change the way my heart starts to jump when you laugh at something I say. I cant change the way my cheeks starts to heat up when you look into my eyes as if you are trying to discover a secret. I cant change the way my smile widens when I see you walking into the room. I cant change the way I feel so alive when I am with you. I cant. Even if I want to.
You said you don’t know how to make someone feel special enough but do you have even a slightest of idea how important you make me feel. I don’t think I ever told you how much I appreciate your efforts. I never told you how much I value each and every second spent with you. I never told you how special I feel when you give me your time, which for me is the most precious thing you can ever gift to someone. I never told you how the world becomes a little less scary when I am with you. how I feel so safe when I see you sitting by my side. With you even the silences are comfortable.
How could you not realize how much you mean to me. You Idiot.
You make me want to strangle you to death but at the same time you make me want to kiss the life out of you.
I know you had all the right to be mad at me. I understand that the things I said hurt you. And I would totally understand if in the near future you feel like you don’t want me in your life anymore. And I understand that ‘some things can never be the same again’, but if we try hard enough, cant we go back? Cant we delete that night from our past and try to make things the same again?
I know you said you were fine and that you were not mad at me anymore. But the look on your face was enough to tell me the truth. I appreciate how you tried to cut the tension from the air with your jokes but the damage had been done.
I don’t know if this letter will reach you but all I know is that I mean each and every single word I have written here. I want to thank you for all your efforts and I want to apologize for doubting you and your feelings.
So ,this, my dear Sherlock is a sincere letter to apologize for the things I had said. This is a try to make things go back to how they were. To clear the doubt you had when you questioned your importance in my life.
I am sorry.
P.s- I hate fighting with you.
P.P.S- you are still leading the score card.
The One Who Hurt You.